I’ve got about 8 IT blog topics documented to write on but
this topic seems to be in the news a lot lately and near and dear to my heart.
Please keep in mind that this blog is simply based upon my decisions and my
hopes/dreams/my realizations of what works for me and my family.
The debate regarding what a woman’s role “should” be and “can”
be has been around since I became a mother for the first time in 1982. At 21, I
was a fulltime student and a fulltime Intake Specialist at a social agency
servicing the blind. The decision to continue working was a financial one. When
I had my second daughter in 1987, the decision to continue working was again
financial, I was a single parent with two small children. By that time, I had left the social agency for
career growth and to be closer to home. I wanted to spend less time commuting
and more time with my daughters.
I was fortunate in that I had a close-knit family and I was
able to drop the girls off at my parents’ home before leaving for the office.
They rode the school bus to and from my parents’ home. I felt like I had a
checklist of items that I needed to have in order to insure my daughters’’ wellbeing.
They were with people who cared about
their wellbeing, check. I was still available and engaged, check. My job as an Analyst
afforded me the opportunity to work 40 – 45 hours a week and have weekends off.
I was able to be a Brownie Troop leader, Sunday school teacher, an advocate for
strong curriculum at school board meetings and an attentive mother.
Fast forward six years. I was in IT management for a
national law firm (eventually they become international). I worked 50 – 55 hours
per week. I was still active and engaged in the girls’ lives but I was also
travelling for work at times. As my role increased, my father and I sat down
and had a talk. He was proud of what I was accomplishing in my career and
wanted to assure me that he and my mother would fill in where needed. My
daughters were becoming used to running by the office and enjoyed opportunities
such as Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. I made sure I was home at a reasonable
time and turned on my pc when needed to work. The downside was the year I was
on the road for over six months. I was gone during the week and home on
weekends. Luckily by the time the project was over, the girls had only had two
meltdowns. I dealt with the meltdowns by taking the girls onsite with me for a
few sites. What I learned was that the three of us had an amazing connection
and I needed to insure there were no more long projects.
The girls learned to send messages on my blackberry for me
if I was in the middle of cooking or working with puppeteers at the Church
building. They learned what made a good datacenter. They occasionally slept on
the sofa in my office while I worked an issue. None of this impaired them as
people.
Later when I worked for a large telecommunications company,
one of my daughters napped during an all-nighter anti-virus configuration
issue. The girls learned to be flexible. They learned that the hours at the
office were what paid for the annual family vacation, cars and savings. I
learned their thresholds for my time and attention. They survived a three month
project when I worked 80-90 hours per week by a lot of phone calls and notes
left on the bulletin board. The one rule I insisted on with my employer was
that I would take every Sunday off. The girls and I made the most of our
Sundays. They were older and better able to adjust; I was smarter about how I
managed our time together and apart.
Fast forward to what seems like another lifetime. My daughters
were off to college and a career. I had met my husband and a marriage a few
years down the road I was the parent of twin sons. As Operations Infrastructure
Director of a growing environment, I was focusing on stabilizing the environment.
My husband, never having been a parent before, was relishing his new role. I
was relishing having sons for the first time but was also basking in a more
secure, stable and available work environment that my team had built. I was
torn between priorities but knew I was making the right decisions for my
family. My husband’s support was priceless. We were lucky enough to have a
niece living with us who needed a part time job. We coordinated her hours so
she could nanny and still be a full-time college student. They boys needs were
met.
While there were times when I would have an all-night issue
with hourly calls and then the next night have a baby that couldn’t sleep, they
were not so frequent that they became a problem. More of a problem was the
level of increasing stress at the office.
At some point, every professional has to weigh how much stress and its
impact on their personal life is too much.
Fast forward a year and a half later. I’m the President of
my own company. My sons are in Pre-Junior Kindergarten and excelling. My
company is growing and becoming more demanding. I am basically living the dream
I never knew I had. My husband and I work as a team with each of us doing what
is necessary at any given time. We’ve pushed aside tradition roles and we work
from our strengths. Do I feel guilt when I am away from my sons? No I don’t.
They are with people who care about them and will help them become better
people. They understand that work is necessary to buy “stuff”. We have more
time together and its quality time. I don’t want them to sleep on my office
sofa while I’m pulling an all-nighter, but it’s possible.
I’m not baking a lot of brownies or cookies these days but I
still make a mean green eggs and ham upon request. We have art time as long as I don’t have
a deadline but they understand what deadlines are, and how that means mommy has
to focus or they have to stay in extended care.
My goal is to raise independent, self-starter citizens who
have a strong work ethic and want to make the world a better place. I want them
to understand self-control and self-discipline. Most importantly, I want them
to know they are loved. I know I was successful with my daughters. I am confident
my husband and I will do that for our sons. For my family, for myself,
ultimately, the choices have worked.
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